These are a few FaceBook posts I've written in the recent past. I hope they help.
Abyss
Every time I think I've reached a certain depth of understanding in Jiu Jitsu I find a way to dig myself deeper. I've concluded that Jiu Jitsu is an endless abyss of learning. But no matter how deep I dig, Jiu Jitsu digs more deeply into ME, and I'm faced with my own vulnerabilities. There's no other way to say it: Jiu Jitsu is a beautiful art; a life changing art that has never, not even once, let me down. I can't imagine a life without it. I look around and wonder how people get by without it in their lives. When I was younger I thought I was going to change the world. I woke up from that dream, but now I have another one: share Jiu Jitsu to everyone I meet. It changed my life. Maybe it can change lives.
Gratefulness
If you live a life of gratefulness, there's no way you can be unhappy. Only the ungrateful person can be an unhappy person. If you don't know what to be thankful for, start with being thankful you're alive. Then start cataloguing whatever comes into your mind: your kids, your friends, your health. If you don't have those, search long enough and you'll find something. I'm sad when I hear people say they hate life, or complain about their life situation. If they stopped and truly counted their blessings they'd become happy; and probably feel a bit silly that they had ever complained. Want to be truly grateful? Be truly thankful. And if you don't know what to be thankful for, you're not looking closely enough.
Better People
"To be better people." That's what I've said for years. It is for that reason alone that we train in MMA and jiu jitsu. Each and every one of us messes up; says the wrong thing, does the wrong thing, thinks the wrong thing. But we are all fighters. The cage is nothing more than a metaphor for life. Those who will never step in the cage are still fighters. They fight to be better people, day by day. Yeah, it's great to learn a new armbar setup or another takedown. But if we don't learn to be better people, we shouldn't be in this. Train to be better people!
Open Up
"The emptiness of the sky prevents it from falling." This is from the 39th chapter of the Tao Te Ching. It means that we need to open up. We need to stop clinging to our points of views as if they're the only ones; stop believing they're ordained by God. When stress builds up, give it space. Open up to it and experience it for what it is. Live life with an unclenched fist. Soften up. Rocks crumble and eventually turn to sand. The sky can't fall because it doesn't contract and cling. Loosen up. The sky isn't falling. Learn from it.
Technology
My friends will tell you I don't like technology; this isn't true. But I think it needs to be kept in perspective. We spend all our time plugged in. We need time to just unplug. Leave the cell at home once in a while, and if you get all stressed out that it's not with you, you can be pretty sure you're addicted to it. Leave the computer off for a day or two. Can't even imagine doing that? Then I have a feeling you really need to. We need to make time to unplug, to distance ourselves from the noise. Otherwise, we gain the whole world but lose our souls.
Smile
Don't do a single thing unless you're smiling. Jog with a smile. Wash dishes with a smile. Train with a smile. Get yelled at with a smile. If you're not smiling, slow down and let your smile catch up; you have outrun your smile. Take a few breaths, let your smile return, and continue on. Life isn't about working harder with a grimace, but living more playfully with a smile.
Look Somewhere Else
If you're in MMA to beat people up, or to prove you're a badass, I don't want you at the gym. MMA is a medium through which we can test ourselves and become better people. If that's not your goal, you've missed the point. Find another gym.
Argument
I've learned there are two times you should never argue: when you're right and when you're wrong. If right, what's the point? If wrong, why push it? When two people argue, all they do is cling more savagely to their own point of view. The effort they put into defending it makes it an even stronger opinion. No one gains a thing. So when someone tries to argue: breathe, smile, don't say a word. Let them deal with their own struggle. Whether you're right or you're wrong, why battle?
Perspective
Life isn't about rushing home to find out who friended you on FaceBook; or spending mindless hours on a forum badmouthing someone you haven't even met; or walking the mall, ignoring your child, texting people you never see. Life is about living fully, in the moment. It's about throwing yourself headlong into life, fearless of failure, because if you truly live, you can't truly fail. Love fully the people you're with, because one day they won't be there. You can always buy another BlackBerry.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Kaizen
Kaizen is a Japanese word for “constant improvement.” Though it can refer to improvement on any level, such as improving business practices or technical proficiency, I consider it more of a character development concept. It's all about introspection and transformation. What follows is a personal account of my own kaizen.
In early 2010 I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. Even though I already made huge strides in my life, such as realizing I was a drunk and quitting alcohol completely, losing a great deal of unwanted weight, and focusing on being a better dad, I had some huge gaps in my character. I won't divulge those character flaws right now, but just know that my shortcomings were myriad and massive. When the face at which I stared looked at me disapprovingly, I knew I had a lot of work to do. So I began an almost panicked assault on recognizing and correcting every deficiency I could find in myself.
In April, just a few weeks after having this epiphany of sorts, I took a cruise to Central America. It was during this cruise that I began to understand some things; and I began to make some hard decisions. First, I began to understand accountability. I realized that no one is a victim. Complain all you want about what people have done to you, it is you and you alone who is responsible for all the pain and drama in your life. No one else is to blame for your shortcomings. Second, I started to believe in myself. Rather than beat myself up for my defects, I believed I had the strength and resources to change my life. And finally, I realized it was going to take a consistent effort. No matter who got angry with my decisions, I would follow them through to the end. This was my ABC of Kaizen: Accountability, Belief, Consistency.
So, the first thing I did when I returned to the United States was make some huge changes in my environment. Even though I knew I couldn't blame anyone, I recalled a phrase of Buddha's I read years before: “Choose your friends wisely. It is better to walk alone than with a fool for company.” So I got rid of friends who were negative influences in my life. I especially got rid of an eighteen year long friendship after realizing my friend was nothing but an albatross around my neck. The man had become little more than a woman-beating drunk who always complained about his difficulties in life. I cut the rope and I started to walk more upright. Even after the man retaliated by calling up people to slander my name and create a whole story about me, I stayed the course. I understood that in the end it was all going to be worth it.
I started surrounding myself with quality people. And I made sure that the people in my life had my same basic goals for self-improvement. The more these friendships developed, the more I felt empowered. My belief in myself continued to grow. I became more goal-oriented and could see huge changes. I threw myself headlong into jiu jitsu. I knew I had a long way to go before I could feel truly worthy of my students. I made sure I trained with numerous sparring partners and focused on fine-tuning my skills. I wasn't satisfied with remaining mediocre. As Brandon Lee said: “What level of mediocrity are you willing to settle for?” I decided to raise the bar. And you know what? I discovered jiu jitsu at an entirely new level. I not only grew from a technical standpoint, I learned how much jiu jitsu could improve me spiritually. The people with whom I surrounded myself, and the inspiration I got from fellow jiu jitsu practitioners (such as my new friends at Gracie Barra Orlando), made me realize how much I still needed to go. Jiu jitsu is now the biggest journey I have ever taken and one with which I will never be truly finished. It continues to evaluate me, correct me, transform me. The art is just absolutely beautiful.
During that first year, 2010, it still wasn't easy. I still had a few things smack me in the back of the head to wake me up. I lost a student who I cared about. It showed me that I really needed to become more professional. I needed to not let the boundaries of business and friendship to blur. This was a huge wake up call for me, spurring me on to even higher standards. (I've learned that life isn't about a series of punishments, but a series of lessons. I'm continuing to become educated).
Today, two years later, I still have a long way to go. Though I have made huge strides with the help and inspiration of my friends, family, and students, I won't forget it all hinges on consistency. How many times do some people lose weight quickly only to put it right back on? It doesn't matter what you can do in a few months, it matters what you continue to do for a lifetime. This is what kaizen is all about. It's about admitting the problem, realizing the solution, and to attack the situation immediately and forever, without giving up. It's about making self-reflection and self-improvement a lifestyle, not a mere premise for more self-help books. I hope this personal account helped.
In early 2010 I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. Even though I already made huge strides in my life, such as realizing I was a drunk and quitting alcohol completely, losing a great deal of unwanted weight, and focusing on being a better dad, I had some huge gaps in my character. I won't divulge those character flaws right now, but just know that my shortcomings were myriad and massive. When the face at which I stared looked at me disapprovingly, I knew I had a lot of work to do. So I began an almost panicked assault on recognizing and correcting every deficiency I could find in myself.
In April, just a few weeks after having this epiphany of sorts, I took a cruise to Central America. It was during this cruise that I began to understand some things; and I began to make some hard decisions. First, I began to understand accountability. I realized that no one is a victim. Complain all you want about what people have done to you, it is you and you alone who is responsible for all the pain and drama in your life. No one else is to blame for your shortcomings. Second, I started to believe in myself. Rather than beat myself up for my defects, I believed I had the strength and resources to change my life. And finally, I realized it was going to take a consistent effort. No matter who got angry with my decisions, I would follow them through to the end. This was my ABC of Kaizen: Accountability, Belief, Consistency.
So, the first thing I did when I returned to the United States was make some huge changes in my environment. Even though I knew I couldn't blame anyone, I recalled a phrase of Buddha's I read years before: “Choose your friends wisely. It is better to walk alone than with a fool for company.” So I got rid of friends who were negative influences in my life. I especially got rid of an eighteen year long friendship after realizing my friend was nothing but an albatross around my neck. The man had become little more than a woman-beating drunk who always complained about his difficulties in life. I cut the rope and I started to walk more upright. Even after the man retaliated by calling up people to slander my name and create a whole story about me, I stayed the course. I understood that in the end it was all going to be worth it.
I started surrounding myself with quality people. And I made sure that the people in my life had my same basic goals for self-improvement. The more these friendships developed, the more I felt empowered. My belief in myself continued to grow. I became more goal-oriented and could see huge changes. I threw myself headlong into jiu jitsu. I knew I had a long way to go before I could feel truly worthy of my students. I made sure I trained with numerous sparring partners and focused on fine-tuning my skills. I wasn't satisfied with remaining mediocre. As Brandon Lee said: “What level of mediocrity are you willing to settle for?” I decided to raise the bar. And you know what? I discovered jiu jitsu at an entirely new level. I not only grew from a technical standpoint, I learned how much jiu jitsu could improve me spiritually. The people with whom I surrounded myself, and the inspiration I got from fellow jiu jitsu practitioners (such as my new friends at Gracie Barra Orlando), made me realize how much I still needed to go. Jiu jitsu is now the biggest journey I have ever taken and one with which I will never be truly finished. It continues to evaluate me, correct me, transform me. The art is just absolutely beautiful.
During that first year, 2010, it still wasn't easy. I still had a few things smack me in the back of the head to wake me up. I lost a student who I cared about. It showed me that I really needed to become more professional. I needed to not let the boundaries of business and friendship to blur. This was a huge wake up call for me, spurring me on to even higher standards. (I've learned that life isn't about a series of punishments, but a series of lessons. I'm continuing to become educated).
Today, two years later, I still have a long way to go. Though I have made huge strides with the help and inspiration of my friends, family, and students, I won't forget it all hinges on consistency. How many times do some people lose weight quickly only to put it right back on? It doesn't matter what you can do in a few months, it matters what you continue to do for a lifetime. This is what kaizen is all about. It's about admitting the problem, realizing the solution, and to attack the situation immediately and forever, without giving up. It's about making self-reflection and self-improvement a lifestyle, not a mere premise for more self-help books. I hope this personal account helped.
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